Dubya in Fahrenheit 9/11: A Star is Born
Above: Fahrenheit 9/11 star George W. Bush asks writer/director Michael Moore to explain his motivation for the next scene.
LOS ANGELES (SP) — Move over Matt, Ben, Brad and Vin. There's a new kid in town, and his name is Dubya, as in George W. Bush, President of the United States and star of the box office phenomenon, Fahrenheit 9/11.
Former Thai Dictator Offers Words of Wisdom to Canadians
Above: A broken down system of government is nothing that a bloody coup won't fix, says former Thai Dictator Thanom Kittikachorn.
BANGKOK, Thailand (SP) — In what might be described in journalistic terms as a real coup, Satiric Press has managed to track down 92-year-old former Thai Dictator Thanom Kittikachorn to find out his thoughts about the results of the recent Canadian federal election (apparently, reports of his recent demise have been greatly exaggerated). What follows are selected excerpts from an exclusive interview with the former Field Marshal conducted by SP's Senior Foreign Correspondent, the Ultra-Humanite:
Avrum Moishe's Final Cut
Above: Columnist Avrum Moishe has decided to leave Satiric Press to fulfill his quest for total world domination, following in the footsteps of others who've come close.
TORONTO (SP) — The following is an open letter to all my female supporters and detractors on Satiric Press. It has recently been brought to my attention that some of you are troubled by the tone and contents of my articles. Can I help it if I am the only member of SP's writing staff who is a thinking, feeling, sexually malfunctioning human cipher? What about my grammar or use of sentence structure?
From AdScam to CokeScam: Paul Martin in Trouble Again
Left: "You da man, Saddam!"
Right: "No, when it comes to smuggling drugs, you da man, Paul!"
SYDNEY, N.S. (SP) — A routine search this week of the Sheila Ann, a cargo ship owned by Canada Steamship Lines, resulted in the discovery of two duffel bags containing 83 kg of cocaine. CSL was owned by Paul Martin and his wife (after whom the ship is named) until last year, when they transferred control of the company to their sons. Although the family denies having any knowledge of how the drugs came to be on board the ship, there is at least circumstantial evidence that Martin may not have always kept his nose clean, so to speak.
The Dark Side of the Man: Exposing Harper's Hidden Agenda
Above: The Liberals struck out in their attempts to show that Stephen Harper has a hidden agenda.
OTTAWA (SP) — While the Liberal Party of Canada was able to maintain a tenuous grip on the reins of power for a fourth consecutive term, its primary strategy throughout the election campaign - to attack, defame, and assassinate the character of Conservative Leader Stephen Harper - was not entirely successful. The Liberals believed that Harper would eventually crack under the pressure, and say something to substantiate their allegation that he had a radically right wing, hidden agenda.
Yet Another Facet
Greece Wins Euro 2004 over Portugal; Officials Plan for Matches Between Countries that Really Hate Each Other
TORONTO, ON (SP) — With Greece's 1-0 victory over Portugal in Sunday's UEFA Euro 2004 soccer finals and the ensuing wild street party that erupted on the Danforth, Toronto authorities are thanking their lucky stars that the two countries to face off are far enough apart geographically not to have built up any kind of a hate.