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The Dark Side of the Man: Exposing Harper's Hidden Agenda

SatiricPress.com
Above: The Liberals struck out in their attempts to show that Stephen Harper has a hidden agenda.

OTTAWA (SP) — While the Liberal Party of Canada was able to maintain a tenuous grip on the reins of power for a fourth consecutive term, its primary strategy throughout the election campaign - to attack, defame, and assassinate the character of Conservative Leader Stephen Harper - was not entirely successful. The Liberals believed that Harper would eventually crack under the pressure, and say something to substantiate their allegation that he had a radically right wing, hidden agenda.

The following are just some of the things that the Liberals were hoping Stephen Harper would say, but didn't, during last month's election campaign:

- "I'm against abortion because I believe in the sanctity of every human life, except for those who deserve to be put to death."

- "Gilles Duceppe and I aren't really all that different: He wants to build a firewall around Quebec, and I want to build one around Alberta."

- "Actually, I believe very strongly in a one-tier healthcare system, available to everyone who can afford private health insurance."

- "We really need to crack down on the possession of child pornography in this country, except for the kind of child porn that has genuine artistic merit."

- "I believe that no heterosexual, God-fearing Christian should ever be discriminated against."

- "My party will root out government corruption like AdScam and Shawinigate with ruthless, Nazi-like precision."

- "Holocaust? What holocaust?"

Above: We know what Harper said to the media on issues of social policy, but was he saying what he really thinks?
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