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Dubya in Fahrenheit 9/11: A Star is Born

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Above: Fahrenheit 9/11 star George W. Bush asks writer/director Michael Moore to explain his motivation for the next scene.

LOS ANGELES (SP) — Move over Matt, Ben, Brad and Vin. There's a new kid in town, and his name is Dubya, as in George W. Bush, President of the United States and star of the box office phenomenon, Fahrenheit 9/11.

The film grossed $23.9 Million on its opening weekend to debut in first place at the North American box office, despite playing in less that half the screens occupied by most of this year's other highest grossing films. In just three days, the film had already surpassed the total grossed by director Michael Moore's previous effort, the Oscar-winning Bowling for Columbine, during its entire theatrical run.

"Bowling for Columbine certainly exceeded industry expectations, but it never had a chance of doing the kind of business we're seeing from Fahrenheit 9/11 because it lacked the star power wielded by President Bush," said Paul Dergarabedian, president of box-office tracker Exhibitor Relations Co. "For a movie star to have that profound an effect on the box office tally in his or her feature film debut is truly remarkable, and quite possibly without precedent."

Above: Bush is considering several high-profile projects for his follow up to Fahrenheit 9/11.

Bush has already been inundated with offers to star in a number of big-budget, high-profile Hollywood films. Not surprisingly, most of the scripts to have come his way have been for comedic roles. The consensus among movie-goers is that Bush displayed remarkable comic timing in Fahrenheit 9/11. Michael Moore reportedly had major philosophical difference with Bush on the set of 9/11, but admits that Bush stole the show with his performance. "He had the funniest lines in this film, and he's received the biggest laughs at every screening that I've attended," said Moore.

Film industry insiders believe that Bush has the potential to be the Don Knotts or Pauley Shore of the new millennium. There have also been rumours that Bush may be reunited with his arch-nemesis, Saddam Hussein, in a big screen re-make of The Odd Couple. Although Hussein has very limited experience as an actor, Satiric Press has learned that he recently submitted a screen test in which he read for the part made famous by Walter Matthau, and displayed an impressive range of emotions. Hussein's availability for the film will depend in part on the outcome of his trial on charges of crimes against humanity.

Above: As an actor, Saddam Hussein has a range and gravitas that have drawn comparisons to Walter Mathau.

Bush's film career may seem to have come out of nowhere, but he maintains that it has always been in the cards. "Ronald Reagan has always been a role model for me, both as an actor and as a politician," said Bush. "I just happened to get the political part out of the way first."

Although Bush says he has enjoyed his years devoted to public service, he sees a lot more long-term potential with a career in film. "I've already been Governor, and even if I win another term as President, I'd be out of a job four years from now," said Bush. "Not to mention, being a movie star pays a whole lot better."

In order to keep his film career on track, Bush has sought advice from a fellow Republican actor/politician, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. "Arnold told me that it's a good idea to mix up the kinds of roles I play and films I'm in so that I don't get typecast," said Bush.

In the 1980s, Schwarzenegger was one of America's most handsomely paid thespians, and had great success alternating between family-oriented, light-hearted comedies such as Twins and Kindergarden Cop, and violent actions films intended for more mature audiences, like Commando, Predator and Terminator.

In terms of family fare, Bush would like to continue the successful trend of bringing popular children's literature such as Harry Potter and Shrek to the big screen, by starring as the title character in a live-action version of Curious George. Dick Cheney is in talks to play the man with the yellow hat.

Above: Some say that Curious George is a role that President Bush was born to play.

Bush is also eager to try his hand at a wide variety of other film genres, incuding period pieces, Shakspearean tragedies, musicals, and science fiction. "Someone asked me the other day if I'd like to be in the next Star Wars film," said Bush. "To be honest, I don't know a whole lot about those films, but I really like the title."

Where Bush does draw the line, however, is at playing a villain, because he thinks that audiences would be unwilling to suspend their disbelief, no matter how strong a performance he delivers. "When people hear my name, they expect to see a man who is bright, honest and hardworking," said Bush. "I just don't see movie-goers, or eligible voters for that matter, accepting me in any other kind of role."

Above: Like Tom Hanks in Road to Perdition, Bush doesn't think that audiences want to see him play a villain.
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