Satiric Press. SP is the world's foremost fictional news wire service, providing reality-based stories about politics, business, entertainment, and any other subject matter worthy of ridicule. Satire. Satiric news. Humour. Humor. Funny. Parody. Sarcasm. Ridicule. Hilarious. Canada. Canadian. Toronto.
Satiric Press
  » About Satiric Press™   » Contact us   » Subscribe! © 2004 Monday, 5 July, 2004
 
P A R E N T A L
A D V I S O R Y
S A T I R I C   C O N T E N T

This website is intended for a mature audience, and is not recommended for children under the age of 18 without the consent of their parents.


» Archive
» Articles by Subject
Google search SP:  » go

Links:
» Capital of Nasty
» HumorFeed
Member of ISNA: Internet Satirical Newspaper Association

Disclaimer

Except in the case of public figures who are the subjects of satire, the names of entities and persons referred to in SP articles are completely fictitious, and any resemblance to real entities or persons, either living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The quotations and opinions attributed to public figures in SP articles have been invented for strictly satiric purposes, and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts, opinions, or beliefs of the persons or entities to whom they are attributed.

The content of the articles on this website may offend some.

Those most likely to be offended include politicians, celebrities, and those who expect satiric writing to adhere to the rules of political correctness.
 
» Current issue Email a link to this page! » Front page

From AdScam to CokeScam: Paul Martin in Trouble Again

SatiricPress.com
Left: "You da man, Saddam!"
Right: "No, when it comes to smuggling drugs, you da man, Paul!"

SYDNEY, N.S. (SP) — A routine search this week of the Sheila Ann, a cargo ship owned by Canada Steamship Lines, resulted in the discovery of two duffel bags containing 83 kg of cocaine. CSL was owned by Paul Martin and his wife (after whom the ship is named) until last year, when they transferred control of the company to their sons. Although the family denies having any knowledge of how the drugs came to be on board the ship, there is at least circumstantial evidence that Martin may not have always kept his nose clean, so to speak.


Signs that Paul Martin may be leading a secret double life as a powerful drug lord:

- In politics, he's known as 'Paul', but in business he's known as 'Pablo'.

- Favourite vacation spot: Bogotá, Columbia

- Favourite films: Blow, Traffic, and Scarface

- On the campaign trail, kept referring to Stephen Harper as "a tiny little cock-a-roach".

- Received ringing political endorsements from the Hell's Angels and several other Quebec-based motorcycle clubs

- Had Maurice "Mom" Boucher's cell phone number on speed dial.

- Refused to disclose details about the "lucrative new source of revenue" that he claimed would pay for a promised multi-billion dollar increase in healthcare spending.

- Planned to table new legislation that would have decriminalized marijuana possession, as well as importing, exporting and trafficking of all other controlled drugs and substances.

- Publicly questioned whether the organized crime and money laundering provisions of the Criminal Code were unconstitutional.

- Convinced Kings-Hants MP Scott Brison to switch allegiances from the Tories to the Liberals by making him an offer he couldn't refuse.

Above: Tony Montana, a.k.a. Scarface, was a formative influence on Paul Martin's leadership style and way of doing business.
Email a link to this page!

  © 2004 Satiric Press. Content may be reproduced or redistributed in any form so long as it is attributed to Satiric Press (http://www.SatiricPress.com) and this notice is included.  
» Front page
                                           
All contents © 2003, 2004 Satiric Press. All rights reserved. Archive.