Pentagon, White House Rocked by Muppet Prisoner Abuse Scandal
Above: Just another casualty at Abu Sesame Prison
SESAME STREET (SP) — In the midst of a prisoner abuse scandal that has already done immeasurable damage to the reputation of the United States military, a new scandal has emerged that threatens to bring it into even greater disrepute. Satiric Press has obtained exclusive photos which depict dozens of Muppets being subjected to unspeakable acts of torture, dismemberment, and sexual humiliation while in military detention. Meanwhile, the Pentagon announced this week that it has launched an investigation into the suspicious deaths of at least eight inmates in the Abu Sesame prison facility, including former Muppet Coalition Leader Bert, who was found hanging by his neck from the ceiling of his tiny prison cell.
SP Radio: Interview on Ontario Budget
TORONTO, ON (SP) — And now for something somewhat different: An audio interview on the Ontario budget, conducted
by SP correspondent George Daniel Marbury Figwith. [ mp3, 4 MB ]
Editorial: Rocks On, Rocks Off (with apologies to Mr. Miyagi)
Above: For columnist Avrum Moishe, looking for love is like trying to catch a fly with a pair of chopsticks
I think that I finally hit rock bottom this morning. Last night, I returned home and retrieved a phone message from my Aunt Betty. She had just returned from an eleven-day visit to Russia, and I had been dreading this call since the day that she left. My aunt's message sounded surprisingly chipper, considering the poor state she had been in prior to her departure. I had no idea of the bombshell that she was about to drop on me. "Oh Avery, I feel so good," she said. "I had a really good time on my trip. I'm in a sexual relationship with a man, and it is wonderful!"
A New Face