Close Encounters of the Prime Ministerial Kind
Above: Is Canada's P.M. really an E.T.?
OTTAWA (SP) — Media reports that Prime Minister Paul Martin's Challenger jet had a close encounter with an unidentified flying object several weeks ago were not taken very seriously, at least not initially. However, after a series of recent incidents in which the Prime Minister has displayed increasingly bizarre behaviour, many are now speculating that Martin may well have been visited by extra-terrestrials during the aforementioned encounter.
Bin Laden's Capture in Fallujah, Iraq to be Unveiled One Week Before November 2nd U.S. Election
BAGHDAD, Iraq (SP) — Osama bin Laden has been captured during the recent fierce fighting
in Fallujah, a source exclusive to Satiric Press has revealed. Bin Laden has already been
transported to Camp X-Ray, the U.S. military base at the eastern tip of Cuba where dozens of
purported Taliban and al-Qaeda supporters have been incarcerated since the American-led invasion
of Afghanistan in 2001. The al-Qaeda leader will be held in secret, awaiting a military tribunal,
until the last week of October, when his capture will be announced to the world.
Above: Transported incognito to Camp X-Ray, bin Laden awaits tribunal, date to be announced sometime in late October — Surprise!
New National Registries That We Actually Need
Above: Pamela Anderson is among those who oppose the creation of a national breast implant registry.
OTTAWA (SP) — New Democrat MP Judy Wasylycia-Leis recently made headlines by introducing a Private Member's Bill in the House of Commons regarding the establishment of a national breast implant registry. In our view, the most compelling reason to establish any sort of national registry is to protect the public from the more sinister elements of society. With this in mind, the following are some new national registries that we believe are needed to protect the public from certain groups of individuals who are so out of touch with reality or that have such profoundly bad taste that they pose a serious, imminent threat to our nation's well-being.
The Transformation Begins