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The Return of the Caption Writing Contest
Above: Rather than debate his political opponents, Federal Transport Minister Tony Valeri simply stares at them until their heads explode.

Back by popular demand, it's the Satiric Press Caption Writing Contest! Once again, we've selected a supremely silly picture that we hope will inspire you to come up with correspondingly silly captions. In what ended up being a clash of the titans for the Liberal Party nomination in Hamilton East, Transport Minister and Martin loyalist Tony Valeri earned a narrow victory over former Deputy Prime Minister and Chrétien loyalist Sheila Copps. In recognition of this noteworthy achievement, SP has selected a particularly scary-looking mug shot of the Honourable Mr. Valeri for this week's contest. What could he have possibly been thinking when this picture was taken?!?

Here are a few suggested captions:

1. Rather than debate his political opponents, Transport Minister Tony Valeri simply stares at them until their heads explode.

2. Valeri's advisors convinced him that he'd have more credibility as Transport Minister if he styled his hair with premium-grade unleaded gasoline.

3. Valeri boasts that he will run a slick re-election campaign. He claims that it's already running like a well-oiled machine.

4. In retrospect, eating that huge bowl of baked beans just before holding this press conference may have been a mistake.

5. Valeri delivered his own speech "from the throne" on February 2nd.

This time, there's no limit on the number of entries each contestant can submit. Based on the overwhelming response to our last caption-writing contest (see Dubya and Friends at the Summit of the Americas), we strongly recommend that you send us multiple entries to increase your chances of winning (coincidentally, that's one of the many underhanded tactics Valeri has been accused of using to defeat Copps).

The grand prize this time around includes not only a stylish and collectible SP T-shirt, but also the prospect of being immortalized in the annals of Satiric Press. Yes that's right, the name of our grand prize winner will be published in a subsequent edition of SP! You'll be the envy of your family, friends, colleagues, and thousands of other Satiric Press readers!!!

So what are you waiting for? Just be sure to carefully read the following rules and regulations, and then start sending us your submissions to:


Contest Rules:

Chances of winning depend on the number of entries submitted. Eligible contestants must not have won any previous contest held by Satiric Press or any of its subsidiaries or affiliated entities or persons within the last six months. Satiric Press reserves the right to substitute any of the prizes awarded, including the subscription to SP, for their equivalent cash value. "Satiric Press", "SP" and the Satiric Press logo are all internationally registered trade-marks, and Satiric Press T-shirts are protected by the Berne Convention on Copyright. Any individual found to be trafficking in official Satiric Press merchandise or unauthorized reproductions thereof will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, with the probability of imprisonment.

Above: Follow the rules, because big brother is watching you!
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