Emotional Bertuzzi Claims The Passion of the Christ Made Him Do It!
Above: The Passion of the (Vancouver) Canuck
VANCOUVER, BC (SP) — It remains to be seen whether Vancouver Canucks Forward Todd Bertuzzi will be criminally charged for his devastating hit from behind on Colorado's Steve Moore, but in any event, it may be appropriate to characterize the incident as a crime of 'passion'. It appears that Bertuzzi's actions may have been inspired by the unrelenting display of violence that he witnessed at a recent screening of the Mel Gibson Biblical blockbuster, The Passion of the Christ.
Coming Soon to CBC: Bertuzzi's Inquest
Above: Both Todd Bertuzzi and Marty McSorley will be performing their own stunts on the show
TORONTO (SP) — The producers of American legal dramas such as Law & Order and CSI have enjoyed incredible success regurgitating proven formulas into an endless series of spinoffs, including Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, CSI: Miami, and coming this Fall, CSI: New York. CBC and the producers of Da Vinci's Inquest hope to continue this trend with their newest mid-season replacement, Bertuzzi's Inquest.
Coming Attractions: "The Passion of the Christ, The Second Coming"
Above: A sequel to The Passion is coming soon to a theatre near you
LOS ANGELES, Calif. (SP) — With Mel Gibson's controversial new film about the crucifixion of Christ setting new box office records, fans won't have to wait long for the resurrection. Gibson tells Satiric Press that pre-production has already begun on "The Passion of the Christ: The Second Coming" (a.k.a. "P2: Judgment Day"), with a scheduled Christmas release date. The film will be set in the present day, with Christ returning to help fight the war on terror.
Bagel, Netsky Worms Take Down Martian Rovers
Above: Stricken rovers broadcast cryptic symbols from Mars
HOUSTON, TX (SP) — Terrestrial email users are not the only ones to be affected by the rampaging internet worms "Bagel" and "Netsky" over the past few weeks. NASA's Martian rover Spirit yesterday received an email with the subject "Re: your picture" and opened the attachment before NASA Ground Control could stop it. Within minutes, the rover had sent infected emails to every address in the craft's address book.