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Coming Attractions: "The Passion of the Christ: The Second Coming"
Above: A sequel to The Passion of the Christ is coming soon to a theatre near you

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (SP) — With Mel Gibson's controversial new film about the crucifixion of Christ setting new box office records, fans won't have to wait long for the resurrection. Gibson tells Satiric Press that pre-production has already begun on "The Passion of the Christ: The Second Coming" (a.k.a. "P2: Judgment Day"), with a scheduled Christmas release date.

The new film will be set in the present day, with Christ returning to help fight the war on terror. Islamic leaders have expressed concern that the film might portray Muslims in an unduly negative light. Meanwhile, Jewish organizations are again convinced that the film will be anti-Semitic, especially after learning that Mel Gibson's father would be serving as a technical consultant.

Gibson did receive a ringing endorsement from an unlikely source: 60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney. Just last week, Rooney incurred the wrath of many CBS viewers after claiming that God had told him that Mel Gibson and Pat Robertson were "a couple of wackos." Rooney received over 30,000 pieces of hate mail in response, including one letter which succinctly described him as an "asinine, bottom-dwelling, numb-skulled, low-life, slimy, sickening, gutless, spineless, pot-licking, cowardly, pathetic little weasel."

However, in a commentary set to air on the next edition of 60 Minutes, Rooney claims that God spoke to him again, explaining that He was just kidding about Gibson being a wacko. "God was deeply moved by The Passion," said Rooney. "It made Him feel as though He had just lost a member of His family. He gave it two omnipotent thumbs up. Way, way up."

According to Rooney, God is anxious to find out what happens to Jesus in the sequel. "He even expressed a willingness to lend His name as an executive producer if it would help get the film made any faster," said Rooney. "However, He promised that He wouldn't interfere with the production, since that would obviously go against His concept of free will."

Above: From God's mouth to Andy Rooney's ear
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