Mea Culpa: Satiric Press Columnist Apologizes for "Wardrobe Malfunction"
Above: I received an earful after this 'snapshot heard 'round the world' circulated rapidly through cyberspace
It was never my intention to undermine the stellar reputation enjoyed by my employer, Satiric Press, the world's leading publisher of fictional journalism. However, my ill-advised decision to wear a pair of giant rabbit ears to an exclusive, high-profile cocktail party, combined with a completely unforeseen wardrobe malfunction, has brought shame and embarrassment upon SP, and for that I am truly sorry.
"Nipplegate" Fallout Proves Web Heads Have No Taste
Above: It didn't take long for this to become the most sought-after photo in internet history
HOUSTON, Tx. (SP) - The cameo appearance by Janet Jackson's right breast during the halftime show at this year's Super Bowl has proven to be a smash hit in cyberspace. ISPs report that it has already become the most frequently searched image in the history of the internet. "It really makes me question what kind of depraved people are out there, examining footage of a bare breast with the kind of scrutiny not seen since Congressional committees were breaking down the Zapruder film of the Kennedy assasination," said one high-tech industry professional.
The Grapes of Wrath: Don Cherry Leaves Hockey Night in Canada for Crossfire on CNN
Above: Don Cherry is abandoning his politically incorrect hockey schtick in favour of violently partisan political discourse
ATLANTA, Ga. (SP) - Legendary hockey analyst Don Cherry has decided to forsake his home and native land in favour of the home of the Braves. Amidst a whirlwind of controversy, Cherry has tendered his resignation from CBC's Hockey Night in Canada in order to become a co-host on Crossfire, CNN's popular political talk show.
A Startling Encounter
Liberal Sponsorship Scandal: 90% of Canadians Unsure What All the Fuss Is About
OTTAWA, ON (SP) — In an Ipsos-Reid poll released yesterday, the vast majority of respondents indicated confusion as to why everyone is acting so surprised at revelations that the federal Liberal government's Sponsorship Program funneled money to Liberal-friendly advertising agencies and other companies. When asked, "Did you have any suspicions that federal tax dollars were being used to pay off Liberal Party debts", 90% answered, "Not particularly but it doesn't surprise me one bit." A further 8% answered "That's exactly why I don't pay taxes", with the remaining 2% answering "ˇViva la Revolución!"