Satiric Press. SP is the world's foremost fictional news wire service, providing reality-based stories about politics, business, entertainment, and any other subject matter worthy of ridicule. Satire. Satiric news. Humour. Humor. Funny. Parody. Sarcasm. Ridicule. Hilarious. Canada. Canadian. Toronto.
Satiric Press
  » About Satiric Press™   » Contact us   » Subscribe! © 2004 Monday, 5 January, 2004
 
P A R E N T A L
A D V I S O R Y
S A T I R I C   C O N T E N T

This website is intended for a mature audience, and is not recommended for children under the age of 18 without the consent of their parents.


» Archive
» Articles by Subject
Google search SP:  » go

Links:
» Capital of Nasty
» HumorFeed
Member of ISNA: Internet Satirical Newspaper Association

Disclaimer

Except in the case of public figures who are the subjects of satire, the names of entities and persons referred to in SP articles are completely fictitious, and any resemblance to real entities or persons, either living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The quotations and opinions attributed to public figures in SP articles have been invented for strictly satiric purposes, and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts, opinions, or beliefs of the persons or entities to whom they are attributed.

The content of the articles on this website may offend some.

Those most likely to be offended include politicians, celebrities, and those who expect satiric writing to adhere to the rules of political correctness.
 
» Current issue Email a link to this page! » Front page

Report: Toronto Narrowly Avoided Disaster During Blackout; People Pretty Much Don't Care and Continue Wanton Use of Electricity

TORONTO, ON (SP) — With the recent release of a report highlighting just how close Toronto and other Ontario cities came to having serious crises during the blackout of August 2003, most citizens pretty much don't let it bother them, and continue to use electricity and other resources as though the blackout had never happened.

Among other things, the report, prepared by the federal Office of Critical Infrastructure Protection and Emergency Preparedness, indicated that Toronto's water supply almost ran out as a result of non-functioning water pumps. When told of that finding, Dan McAllister of Scarborough responded with a shrug. Having just finished draping the front of his house in electric Christmas lights, he said "I guess that would've been bad, eh? But I'm sure they've fixed the problem by now, and it won't happen again." When asked whether the experience during the blackout had made him think of making efforts towards conserving electricity, he responded with a shrug. "Naw. Electricity still costs the same as before, don't it? If they wanted us to use less, for sure they'd charge more."

Susan Wong of East York told SP that her initial reaction during the power outage was to conserve water, but that the sight of her neighbours washing their SUV convinced her that taking a shower was OK. "It was pretty hot that day, and I'd walked all the way home since the subway wasn't running and the traffic was so bad. And if water was so scarce, I'm sure they'd have had the cops going around checking on people for wasteful water use. How else do you expect anyone to obey that on a hot day?"

Ahmed Muhammad, also of East York, said he remembered hearing during the blackout that people should only use the telephone for emergency purposes. "They said something about that on the radio. But sitting on my balcony, I could hear all my neighbours yakking away on their phones throughout the evening, making calls and taking calls, and what else was there to do? The TV wasn't working. So yes, I talked on the phone for an hour or two." When told of the report's finding that the 9-1-1 emergency system came close to shutting down as Bell Canada ran low on fuel for back-up generators, he responded, "Hmm, well how come they didn't stop us from using the phone, then?"

"Yes, I've heard something about how we should all try to use less electricity," said Sarah Ducharme of Etobicoke. "But if that were true, how do you explain all the massive Jumbotrons they have now around Yonge and Dundas? Plus, the lights in the stairwells and hallways in my apartment building are on 24-7. Same with all the other apartments and condos I've ever seen in Toronto. In some countries they have those motion sensor things, so the hallways are only lit for the 5% of the time there's actually anyone there. If we really needed to cut down our electricity use, I'm sure things like that would be mandatory. But they aren't, so it must be OK to keep using electricity same as always."

"The main thing is, if there really were a problem, the government would be doing something about it. It's not like we actually need a disaster and people to die to convince us when things need changing. We're not that foolish."

SatiricPress.com
Email a link to this page!

  © 2004 Satiric Press. Content may be reproduced or redistributed in any form so long as it is attributed to Satiric Press (http://www.SatiricPress.com) and this notice is included.  
» Front page
                                           
All contents © 2003, 2004 Satiric Press. All rights reserved. Archive.