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» Current issue

Ontario Premier Declares Fire Sale on Crown Assets to Balance Budget

Above: Some have accused Dalton McGuinty of being two-faced for proposing the 'Common Sense Liquidation'

TORONTO, ON (SP) — Faced with a staggering budget deficit of $5.6 billion, Ontario's newly-minted Premier, Dalton McGuinty, has pledged to sell off at least $7 billion worth of Crown assets within the next fiscal year in order to balance the budget while still keeping all of his lofty campaign promises. » more...

Microsoft Releases Absolute Last Security Patch

REDMOND, WA (SP) — In a bid to placate information security experts up in arms over security flaws in most of Microsoft's products, the software giant today announced the release of a patch that would fix "every single last security issue in every single last Microsoft product, 100% guaranteed". The patch is to be made instantly available to all users of Microsoft products worldwide, regardless of whether or not they have an Internet connection. » more...

Quick Hits: A Satiric Take on Current Events (Volume Two)

Above: Is that smile a natural high, or is Geoffrey the Giraffe high on helium?

This edition of Quick Hits includes a scandal which threatens to permanently tarnish the wholesome image of Geoffrey the Giraffe, Don King's latest hair-raising pronouncement, and the most recent exploits of P. Diddy, rap star turned marathon runner. » more...

GTA Chinese, Vietnamese Restaurant Owners Deny Catering to Neo-Nazi Extremists

TORONTO, ON (SP) — Numerous restaurants offering Chinese and Vietnamese cuisine, as well as other Asian-owned businesses, stand accused of catering to a white-supremacist clientele through their use of the number "88" in the names of their firms. The number, while considered lucky in many Asian cultures, is used by racist groups as a symbol to denote the words "Heil Hitler", with 'H' being the eighth letter of the alphabet. » more...

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