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Growing Segment Resists Return to Standard Time

SatiricPress.com

TORONTO, ON (SP) — With this past weekend's reversion to Eastern Standard Time, non-morning people were dismayed to realize that, once again, it would start getting dark at around 2:00 PM, long before they leave work. "It's awful," said Shelly McDougal, a copy writer at a downtown Toronto advertising firm. "I feel like a tunnel-dweller from some sci-fi flick, never seeing daylight. It's fine for the morning people — they get their extra hour of daylight in the morning. But for the rest of us who aren't up at six, we get nothin'."

The Organization of Non-Morning People sees the annual autumn time-change as a throwback to a long-gone era, when the majority of the workforce was in agriculture. "Back then, sure, they wanted to wake up really early, like farmers do, and have daylight so they could get to work on the farm," said Mike Das, president of the ONMP. "But now? How many of us are farmers, really? Personally, and I believe I speak for all ONMP members, I would much rather an extra hour of daylight at the end of the day. I'm barely alive before 9:30 AM anyway, so I don't care if it's dark until then. What I want is some sun after the workday is over. That's when all the morning people are at home, getting ready for bed."

In an effort to resist what the ONMP labels a "morning-person plot to disadvantage the non-early-riser," members refuse to make their clocks "fall back" in the autumn, continuing to rely on Daylight Time year-round. This does pose challenges.

"Let's face it, we live in a morning person's world. They're awake long before normal human beings, so they're sending off emails, making decisions on their own... Generally stirring up trouble for the rest of us while we're still asleep," said Das. "When we make the choice to stay on Daylight Time, we do need to make adjustments in order to live in a Standard Time-dominated society, like remembering that everything starts an hour earlier than listed. And making arrangements with non-ONMP members can be confusing, having to always remind them that we're an hour ahead — it's essentially like being your own walking time zone. But unless we resist, we'll be stuck in this morning person's world forever. They would probably even set the clock back another hour, if we don't remain vigilant."

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