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Ontario Grits to Give Tories ‘Sporting Chance’

SatiricPress.com

TORONTO, ON (SP) — Ontario Liberal leader Dalton McGuinty today stated that, while still going for the win, his party would give the incumbent Progressive Conservatives a "sporting chance" in the upcoming election by allowing the campaign to stray from the Tories' record over the past eight years to vague, unimportant issues.

Despite the race being neck-and-neck according to several recent polls, McGuinty says he gets a thrill by the idea of letting the race go right down to the wire, before snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. "It's true, the election would normally be a shoe-in. All we would really have to do is keep harping on the Harris/Eves record of allowing this province's public infrastructure to slide into ruin. But that would be too easy. It's fairer to point out flaws in Eves' current platform. Like that mortgage payment tax deductible thing, which sounds real appealing to everyone. Most people have no idea how little money it will actually save them individually, and how the money would be much better used on fixing up schools or whatever. But the more we mention that Tory promise, the more likely people are to remember it, and even vote Tory. That gives Ernie a better chance. I mean, really — who wants to just walk all over an opponent? You want a decent contest. And I think the people of Ontario appreciate our letting this go to the eleventh hour, it makes for much more exciting election coverage."

McGuinty went on to list things in the Harris/Eves record he would "go easy on". Among them: cuts to the environment ministry leading to the Walkerton disaster; the continuing slide into ruin of public schools; fraying and under funded public transit with resulting gridlock; the botched deregulation of the electricity market; hospital closures and overcrowded emergency rooms; and most recently the Aylmer tainted meat scandal, resulting from cuts to inspectors.

"If we picked on those things, there would be no way for Eves to defend himself. The Tories have been in for eight years, so they can't very well blame things on the previous government. For us to keeping reminding people of those things, it'd be like kicking someone when they're down."

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