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» Current issue

Blackout 2003: Another Black Eye for Ontario

Above: During the blackout, Ontario Premier Ernie Eves discovered that the petroleum product in his hair is a viable alternate energy source

TORONTO, ON (SP) — One week after the largest blackout in North American history, in which 50 million people across the eastern seaboard were suddenly without any electricity, the province of Ontario was still struggling to return to business as usual. Millions of Ontarians had to deal with crises ranging from being unable to use cell phones to having no means of brewing a pot of hot coffee. » more...

Quincy continues his struggle...

Canadian Grand Prix Reinstated As Soap Box Derby

Above: F1 teams have already started test driving box carts in preparation for the 2004 Canadian Grand Prix

MONTREAL, QC (SP) — It turns out that the 2004 Canadian Grand Prix, which had been cancelled by Formula One President Bernie Ecclestone due to an impending federal ban on tobacco advertising, will take place after all. However, in order to offset the loss of millions of dollars in advertising revenue, the race will take the form of a soap box derby. » more...

Monthly Blackouts to be Mandated as Means of Getting Citizens' Lazy Asses Off Couches

OTTAWA, ON (SP) — With reliable power restored following mid-August's massive blackout, the federal government has taken the unusual step of mandating general blackouts on the second Thursday of each month, as a means of forcing people to get up off the couch. » more...

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