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SARS Stones Concert Boost to T.O. Image, Economy to Compensate for Concert's Damage to T.O. Image, Economy

SatiricPress.com

TORONTO, ON (SP) — The upcoming Rolling Stones concert at Downsview Park is expected to give enough of a boost to the Toronto-area economy to fully compensate for all the damage to the local economy caused by the concert, with more than 100,000 workers expected to call in sick in order to attend the Wednesday, July 30 event, and roads and transit systems anticipated to be so far beyond capacity that business will grind to a halt mid-week.

The event's chief organizer, MP Dennis Mills, added that the polish given to Toronto's image by hosting the show will make up for the tarnish to Toronto's image caused by hosting the show. "It's not just the Stones: we have AC/DC, Justin Timberlake, and more. It will be a blast, and all the good memories will balance out the hassles we've had in planning the concert. People will remember all the great tunes they heard, and those memories will be just as prominent as the ones from reading all the bad press we've had so far — about having to stand, with no lawn chair or picnic blanket to sit on, without an umbrella for shade, and without more than two sealed bottles of water to drink for the entire day. Oh, wait, those are allowed now, aren't they? I've heard three different versions..."

Asked whether the intent was not to have a net gain in economic activity and positive feelings towards Toronto, rather than just to break even, Mills declined to comment.

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