Satiric Press. SP is the world's foremost fictional news wire service, providing reality-based stories about politics, business, entertainment, and any other subject matter worthy of ridicule. Satire. Satiric news. Humour. Humor. Funny. Parody. Sarcasm. Ridicule. Hilarious. Canada. Canadian. Toronto.
Satiric Press
  » About Satiric Press™   » Contact us   » Subscribe! © 2004 Monday, 7 July, 2003
 
P A R E N T A L
A D V I S O R Y
S A T I R I C   C O N T E N T

This website is intended for a mature audience, and is not recommended for children under the age of 18 without the consent of their parents.


» Archive
» Articles by Subject
Google search SP:  » go

Links:
» Capital of Nasty
» HumorFeed
Member of ISNA: Internet Satirical Newspaper Association

Disclaimer

Except in the case of public figures who are the subjects of satire, the names of entities and persons referred to in SP articles are completely fictitious, and any resemblance to real entities or persons, either living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The quotations and opinions attributed to public figures in SP articles have been invented for strictly satiric purposes, and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts, opinions, or beliefs of the persons or entities to whom they are attributed.

The content of the articles on this website may offend some.

Those most likely to be offended include politicians, celebrities, and those who expect satiric writing to adhere to the rules of political correctness.
 
» Current issue Email a link to this page! » Front page

Rogue States Rush to Acquire WMD, McDonald’s

SatiricPress.com

GENEVA, Switzerland (SP) — Anxious to procure enough deterrent to dissuade U.S. President George W. Bush from initiating regime change, several countries around the world are stepping up efforts to develop or acquire Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD). As a backup, these same states are rushing to open as many McDonald's franchises as possible, in hopes that the adage holds true about no two countries with McDonald's ever going to war with each other.

Tom Friedman of the New York Times came up with the "Golden Arches Theory of Conflict Prevention," which purports that no two states with a McDonald's ever go to war with each other. The 1999 U.S.-led air war with Yugoslavia dealt the theory a serious blow, but that has not stopped the likes of Iran, Syria, North Korea, and more recently Liberia and Zimbabwe, from scrambling to raise the Golden Arches in major cities.

Above: Coming soon to a rogue state near you.

Unlike equipment used in production of nuclear or biological weapons, neither the trademark yellow "M" nor tacky roof shape fall under U.S. technology export regulations, and so are fair game to dictators and terrorists the world over. While the process of applying for a franchise can be somewhat lengthy, there is no specific clause prohibiting Third World despots from owning and operating a McDonald's restaurant — this stands in stark contrast to the process of collecting enough know-how and fissile material to produce even a primitive, low-yield nuclear device, which can stretch to years with few or no results.

Said Iranian president Mohammad Khatami, "Given the chances of getting our hands on a working nuke before Dubya decides to invade, and the relative ease with which we can open a Micky D's in downtown Tehran, we have shifted all of our resources to the latter. Some of our top nuclear physicists are currently practicing the phrase 'would you like fries with that'. This will assist us in running our restaurants, and, should the scientists decide to emigrate to the West, such knowledge will assist them in the careers they will encounter there, what with their advanced degrees going unrecognized."

Email a link to this page!

  © 2004 Satiric Press. Content may be reproduced or redistributed in any form so long as it is attributed to Satiric Press (http://www.SatiricPress.com) and this notice is included.  
» Front page
                                           
All contents © 2003, 2004 Satiric Press. All rights reserved. Archive.