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People Magazine Names Kim Jong Il ‘Sexiest Man Alive’

SatiricPress.com

NEW YORK, NY (SP) — People Magazine has selected reclusive North Korean leader Kim Jong Il as its 'Sexiest Man Alive' for 2003. Past winners of this honour include Pierce Brosnan, George Clooney and Tom Cruise.

When asked about the magazine's selection, runner-up Brad Pitt expressed astonishment. "Personally, I don't see the attraction," said Pitt. "My wife [actress Jennifer Aniston] feels that she and Kim are kindred spirits because they're both trend-setters when it comes to hair styles. But a life-size poster of him in our bedroom - please!!"

The White House reacted cautiously to the announcement. Incoming Press Secretary Scott McClellan told reporters that President Bush had called the North Korean leader and offered his congratulations. "However," McClellan continued, "the President wants to remind the American people that Kim Jong Il still poses a threat. He may be cute, in a roguish sort of way, but he's still a rogue."


Above: Whassup, GQ?!

In response to the magazine's announcement, KCNA, the official North Korean news agency, published the following statement in English:

"The peerless leader and great successor to the revolutionary cause, Kim Jong Il, accepts the award offered by the media puppet of the capitalist imperialist clique in Washington."

Later in the day, KCNA issued a correction. Claiming that the original communiqué had been mistranslated, it said the statement should have read:

"The peerless leader Kim Jong Il is in the final phase of deciding whether to accept the award offered by the media puppet of the capitalist imperialist clique."


Above: Peerless leader bustin' mad styles.

As a follow-up to the 'Sexiest Man Alive', People will be naming its selection for 'Mr. Congeniality' in the coming weeks. Leading contenders are rumoured to be President Robert 'Billy-Bob' Mugabe of Zimbabwe and President Charles 'Chuckles' Taylor of Liberia.

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