Satiric Press. SP is the world's foremost fictional news wire service, providing reality-based stories about politics, business, entertainment, and any other subject matter worthy of ridicule. Satire. Satiric news. Humour. Humor. Funny. Parody. Sarcasm. Ridicule. Hilarious. Canada. Canadian. Toronto.
Satiric Press
  » About Satiric Press™   » Contact us   » Subscribe! © 2004 Monday, 23 June, 2003
S A T I R I C   C O N T E N T

This website is intended for a mature audience, and is not recommended for children under the age of 18 without the consent of their parents.

» Archive
» Articles by Subject
Google search SP:  » go

» Capital of Nasty
» HumorFeed
Member of ISNA: Internet Satirical Newspaper Association


Except in the case of public figures who are the subjects of satire, the names of entities and persons referred to in SP articles are completely fictitious, and any resemblance to real entities or persons, either living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The quotations and opinions attributed to public figures in SP articles have been invented for strictly satiric purposes, and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts, opinions, or beliefs of the persons or entities to whom they are attributed.

The content of the articles on this website may offend some.

Those most likely to be offended include politicians, celebrities, and those who expect satiric writing to adhere to the rules of political correctness.
» Current issue Email a link to this page! » Front page

U.S., Israeli, Palestinian Leaders’ Wives: Husbands Refuse to Ask Directions, Insist on Relying on Map

SHARM EL-SHEIKH, Egypt (SP) — The wives of current and former U.S., Israeli, and Palestinian leaders complain that their husbands consistently refuse to stop and ask for directions, insisting instead on consulting a tattered and out-of-date "4 P's Gas 'n' Go" road map. "This road map, 4 P's or whatever, is completely useless, and yet Georgey will just not pull over and ask someone for directions," said Laura Bush, wife of U.S. President George W. Bush.

Former Palestinian Authority Chairman Yasser Arafat's wife Suha voiced a similar complaint about her husband. "Since Yasser retired we have gone on several road trips, and it's always the same. His driving's still good, for his age, but can't follow a map to save his life. Whenever I suggest we stop at a service centre, he just gets all quiet and pretends like he's concentrating on the old 4 P's road map he keeps in the glove compartment. You know how he does it, with his spectacles down at the end of his nose." On their last trip, the Arafats brought along Palestinian Prime Minister Mahmoud Abbas, a family friend. "Somehow I thought having another person in the car would help. Apparently not if it's another man. You should have seen them squabble over that old map. If I hadn't rolled down the window and shouted questions at passers-by every time we hit a stop sign, we'd never have gotten there."

Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's late wife Lily is known to have complained on numerous occasions about her husband's being "cartographically challenged". In a 1985 home video, she is heard talking to her two sons:
"You should've heard your father as we were driving our tank across the Sinai back in '73. I can hear it like it was yesterday:
'There it is, finally, the Gulf of Suez,' he says.
'Ari, that's the Gulf of Aqaba,' I say.
'Will you cut out the back-seat driving, already? How could it be Aqaba? The 4 P's map says Suez.'
'Look at the sign, Ari. Aqaba. Aqaba. A-Q-A-B-A: Aqaba.'
'Okay, okay, Aqaba! Quit saying it, will you? Should've kept going straight back at Sarabit el Khadim... maybe if we'd asked that putz of a camel herder...'"

Above: The bane of Laura, Lily, and Suha's road-trip existence.
Email a link to this page!

  © 2004 Satiric Press. Content may be reproduced or redistributed in any form so long as it is attributed to Satiric Press ( and this notice is included.  
» Front page
All contents © 2003, 2004 Satiric Press. All rights reserved. Archive.