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Ontario NDP Mole Planned Tory Made-for-TV Budget, “Tory Indy”

SatiricPress.com

TORONTO, ON (SP) — In a startling exposé, Ontario Progressive Conservative Party executives revealed that a high-level party official is in fact an NDP mole. The man, executive assistant Harold Filby, is accused of generating the idea to hold the Ontario government budget speech at a car-parts plant in Brampton, widely accepted as being a violation of constitutional tradition, and to deliver the PC party's election platform at a go-kart track in Toronto.

PC party president Blair McCreadie, speaking at a hastily arranged Queen's Park news conference, announced that Filby had been fired from his position as executive assistant, effective immediately.

"The debacles that these events were, coming when they did [an Ontario election must be called by June 2004], is proof to me that the man responsible for suggesting them was working for the enemy. The budget especially — it was even mocked in The Economist, for heaven's sake," said McCreadie, referring to the prestigious, right-of-centre British news magazine.

"After the event, [Progressive Conservative Speaker of the House] Gary Carr and [constitutional lawyer] Neil Finkelstein said out-and-out that doing so was unconstitutional. Filby must've known the uproar it would cause, and so by guile and trickery convinced the inner circle to hold the event. I was sceptical, but I admit, even I was duped. It seemed like a good idea at the time, the way he put it..."

Ontario NDP leader Howard Hampton refused to confirm or deny the accusations that the NDP had a plant high up in PC headquarters. "Even with an inside man, how could we do any more damage to the Harris-Eves government's image than they are doing to themselves? Three years after the Walkerton crisis, the number of Ontario drinking water systems with harmful bacteria or substances is up over 35% since last year — the people of this province will not forget that. The Tories won't be elected a third time. Guess that means we're stuck with the Liberals."

Filby could not be reached for comment. An NDP party apparatchik, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that Filby is now in retirement in Cambridge, Ontario, as an official Hero of the NDP, having received the Order of Lenin.

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