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Celebrity Prison, Celebrity Sanitation Workers Highlight Fall Schedule

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LOS ANGELES, Calif. (SP) — Fuelled by the recent ratings success of such programs as “The Osbournes” and “The Anna Nicole Smith Show”, all of the major U.S. television networks have announced that they will be airing new celebrity-based reality shows as part of their respective fall schedules. The following are some of the highlights:

Celebrity Plastic Surgery, WB, Monday, 9:00 p.m. EST. This program is set in a busy Beverly Hills cosmetic surgery clinic, where movie stars and rock musicians receive nips, tucks, nose jobs, breast augmentations and liposuction. Recurring guest stars will include Cher, Joanne Rivers and Dick Clark.

The show’s first episode will feature an unprecedented variation on “Tommy John surgery”, named after the former major league baseball pitcher who was able to resume his athletic career after having a tendon transplanted from his wrist to his shoulder. In the episode, a team of world-renowned rhinoplasty specialists will attempt to rebuild Michael Jackson’s rapidly diminishing nose by transplanting cartilage from his right knee.

Celebrity Prison, ABC, Wednesday, 10:00 p.m. ABC describes its newest reality offering as “Oz” meets “The Osbournes”. The show follows a particular cell block in San Quentin federal penitentiary whose famous inmates include Robert Blake, Christian Brando and Darryl Strawberry. “Strawberry may not have been much of a utility player when he played professional baseball, but on the reality television circuit, he’s the ultimate utility player, given his extensive history of substance abuse, domestic violence, paternity suits, bankruptcies and nervous breakdowns,” said Washington Post television critic Tom Shales.

O.J. Simpson has managed to find time in his busy schedule of playing golf and searching for the real killers of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman to serve as an expert commentator on the show.

Celebrity Sanitation Workers, NBC, Thursday, 8:30 p.m. Dustin Diamond, perhaps best known as “Screech” from the now-defunct teen sitcom “Saved By the Bell”, is a veteran of the reality celebrity genre, having appeared in such memorable programs as “Star Dates” in which swinging singles are paired up on blind dates with pseudo-celebrities like Mr. Diamond and Phyllis Diller, and “Celebrity Boxing”, in which Mr. Diamond scored a TKO against Ron Palillo (“Horshack” from the '70s sitcom “Welcome Back Kotter”).

Mr. Diamond was recently quoted as saying that he’d eat a turd if someone paid him enough money. He may not have to actually consume any feces on “Celebrity Sanitation Workers”, but he’ll certainly be up to his eyeballs in excrement as he’s called upon to perform such tasks as disinfecting toilets and shovelling toxic waste into the ground. Joining Diamond will be other ‘80s-era television stars desperate for work, including Scott Baio (“Joanie Loves Chachi”, “Charles in Charge”), Corben Bernsen (“L.A. Law”), and Diamond’s “Saved By the Bell” co-star, Elizabeth Berkley.

NBC apparently has high hopes for this program, which is why it’s being given a coveted timeslot between ratings heavyweights “Friends” and “ER”.

Celebrity Street People, CBS, Friday, 9:00 p.m. This is yet another program featuring celebrities whose 15 minutes of fame have almost expired. However, this particular group also has the distinction of being financially destitute, either because of bad business decisions, crooked financial advisors, extravagant lifestyles, or all of the above.

Viewers of this program will see such down and out celebrities as Gary Coleman, Cory Haim, Cory Feldman and Mr. T., as they hang out in soup kitchens and homeless shelters across the Los Angeles area, while still finding time to panhandle for change on the street.

Celebrity Sex-Addict, FOX, Sunday, 9:00 p.m. The FOX network has a well-deserved reputation for totally disregarding the standards of good taste and ethical behavior in its shameless attempts to appeal to the lowest common denominator, as evidenced by programs like “Man vs. Beast”, in which an elite sprinter ran against a zebra and a giraffe (for the record, the zebra won and the giraffe lost). However, the network may have achieved a new low when it announced the premise for its latest reality show, “Celebrity Sex-Addict”. This program follows the exploits of a Hollywood actor, who uses his looks, fame and fortune to sleep with as many women as possible.

The network’s first choice for the part, Michael Douglas, was not available. However, Irish actor Colin Farrell is said to be extremely interested, describing the role as one that he was born to play.

As soon as the premise for Celebrity Sex-Addict was publicly disclosed, FOX was inundated with criticism that the show was misogynistic. In response, FOX has announced that it will be airing a similar show with a female lead as a mid-season replacement. In the show, a young actress endeavors to sleep her way to the top by having sex with as many leading men and studio executives as possible. The working title for the show is “Who Wants to be a Prostitute?”.

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